12 Week Roadmap to Conscious Dating and Lasting Love

Lesbians and queer women: Are you tired of being single, but afraid of getting hurt again? Do you wish there were a way to learn how to date well, find the right partner, and create happy, healthy love?     

Good news: there is a way! There is a roadmap that guides women-loving women through dating that’s “smart for your heart,” and into a relationship that really works for you.  Amazing, drama-free love is possible! It just takes learning how. 


As lesbians and queer women, most of us had no one to teach us how to date wisely and love well. 

So we’ve been attempting to find love, and keep it strong, without a map.

This might mean you:

  • Find dating awkward or terrifying, or have no idea how to start. 
  • Have gotten into relationships that started out amazing, but ended in disconnection, anger and heartbreak.
  • Tend to plunge in right away when there’s instant chemistry (even though that didn’t work so well in the past) and give up when there’s not.
  • Sometimes question whether love is even worth it — and wonder whether it always has to be so hard. 
  • Feel afraid of spending the rest of your life alone, but also clear that you don’t want to settle for a bad relationship.
  • Suspect maybe it’s just too late for you – all the good ones are taken, or there’s something wrong with you that makes you “just not meant” for happy, healthy love. 

If any of this sounds familiar, you’re in the right place! These questions, fears and doubts are a sign that you haven’t had the clear map you need, in order to navigate your way to the happy, healthy love of your dreams.  

The 12-Week Roadmap to Conscious Lesbian Dating & Lasting Love is  a comprehensive online experience that can help you learn to create the love life you really want. This class, which you can attend from anywhere in the world, is offered just three times a year – and the next round starts in January 2020!

The Roadmap was created by the co-founders of Conscious Girlfriend, Drs. Ruth L. Schwartz and Michelle Murrain. As far as we know, it’s the only dating and relationship class in the world to combine cutting-edge tools from neuroscience, psychology and spirituality in a context specifically designed for lesbians and queer women.

And it’s designed to help you how to prepare for, find and sustain happy, healthy love, not just for the first few weeks or months, but for the rest of your life.

The Roadmap Will Help You:

two hands holding relationship anarchy

  • Prepare for the kind of relationship you truly desire (and get crystal-clear about what that is!) 
  • Develop and practice the specific emotional and communication skills you need to succeed in a deeply intimate, satisfying connection.  
  • Know your deal-breakers and must-haves, so you’ll be able to tell Ms. Right-For-You from Ms. Wrong-For-You very quickly.
  • Understand how chemistry and compatibility really work, and what truly matters most for long-term happiness.  
  • Learn how to recognize “red flags” when you’re dating, and what to do about them. 
  • Become more comfortable meeting new women, whether online or offline, with curiosity, clarity and confidence. 
  • Navigate common dating questions and challenges in ways that lay a strong foundation for healthy love.
  • Gain clarity, resilience and confidence, knowing that you truly deserve (and have prepared yourself for!) the love you really want.   

We didn’t learn this stuff in school – although we should have!

We hear over and over from women what a huge difference the Roadmap course has made in their lives.

How Much Does the Roadmap Cost?

The tuition of $597 covers 12 weeks of audio and written lessons, 14 hours of live group coaching calls, one hour of one-on-one coaching, and access to our community support forum forever. It’s like an intensive graduate-level education in healthy lesbian love.

Most participants have found the course life-changing, and quite a few have found it so valuable that they’ve taken it more than once.

Still, we know $597 is a lot of money. We offer you the chance to pay it in 3 installments if needed. We also offer five partial scholarships in each class of 25 women.  To request one, just email Ruth@consciousgirlfriend.com and explain your circumstances.  

Your tuition payment also comes with a money-back guarantee (see below.)

What if the Roadmap doesn’t work for me?

Here’s our guarantee: we invite you to do all of the Roadmap work for 12 weeks — which means listening to the audios, filling out the worksheets, practicing the skills, participating in the community forum, attending all of the coaching calls, and receiving your one-on-one coaching session. If you participate fully, practice what you’ve learned, but find that your life hasn’t changed, just let us know within 90 days, and we’ll refund 100% of your tuition.

Why spend $597 to learn how to date and love? Isn’t that something people should automatically know how to do?

Imagine how it would be if our culture had our many myths about driving as it has about love. What if no one ever taught you to drive, but instead said, “When you find the right car, you’ll know what to do.” The roads would be vastly more dangerous than they already are!

And love and relationships are far more important — yet unfortunately, the relationship roads are filled with wrecks, as well. Conscious Girlfriend is on a mission to change that for lesbians and queer women.

If you’re ready to have a different experience, don’t just hope Ms. Right will finally show up. Instead, learn how to find her, how to be her – and how, once you do find her, you can create and sustain the strong, solid, loving relationship you’ve always wanted.

Remember, each Roadmap is limited to 25 women, and they usually sell out, so don’t wait too long to sign up! Next class starts in May 2020 (scroll down to see the full schedule of live group coaching calls.) 



Why are (lesbian) relationships so hard?

We get this question all the time.

Actually, relationships between people of any gender(s) are often hard, because as human beings, we’re wired to love and need connection – and to freak out when we’re afraid the connection may 1) get taken away, or 2) suffocate us.

But lesbian relationships do have some special challenges, because often two women bond more quickly and deeply – and therefore can also hurt each other more – than partnerships between women and men, or men and men. 

The sad truth is, most of us never got a chance to learn the essential skills to choose a partner wisely, and co-create a happy, healthy, lasting relationship. You probably didn’t learn how from your parents; they may not have known (and even if your parents did have an excellent relationship, that still probably didn’t prepare you to create that with another woman…) So you may have been flying blind (and if so, it’s not your fault!)

There’s no way to learn real dating and relationship skills from mainstream culture, books, movies or music. In fact, our culture tends to focus on the most unsustainable, drama-filled representations of love – the “You are my everything,” “I’ll die if you leave me” models, which don’t work and do cause us a lot of damage. 

Many lesbians and queer women are great at falling in love. Perhaps you’ve had this experience:

You meet a woman and are drawn to her. You’re totally connected; she makes you laugh; you feel safe with her and also thrilled by her, and the chemistry is HOT! The two of you connect so deeply and easily, it’s hard to believe you’ll ever have problems. You dive in deep and fast, just knowing she’s the one. It feels amazing…  

… and then it doesn’t. Over time, and sometimes very quickly, it turns out you’re not so compatible after all. She withdraws, and you feel hurt. Or you feel overwhelmed, and pull back in self-preservation, and she gets clingy.

You criticize each other, fight, process for hours, get hurt, stop having sex — or all of the above. The misunderstandings and resentments might pile up quickly, or perhaps the process is so slow you don’t even realize how far apart you’ve gotten until it’s too late. 

On top of all of this, you might be grappling with a homophobic culture — rejection from her family or yours, fear of coming out, or discrimination. These stresses just make everything harder.  

If this heartbreak has ever happened to you, it’s understandable that you might be wary of love. You might think there’s no one out there for you, or you’re just not meant to have a relationship. You might wonder if it’s too late for you, “all the good ones are taken,” or just feel confused and sad about the whole thing.

We get it. But that’s why we want you to know it is possible for you to learn how to date wisely, recognize the right partner — and also become the right partner. It is possible for you to have happy, healthy love. It just takes learning how.

And that’s what the Roadmap Course will help you do. 

Throughout this experiential course, you’ll learn how to be more compassionate – both toward others, and most especially toward yourself.

You’ll learn new communication skills, and new ways of understanding and working with your emotions.

And you’ll learn how to look for and recognize a woman who also has these skills, or who is genuinely open to learning them. (No matter how cute or hot or wonderful she is in other ways, if she’s not able to communicate clearly and compassionately, and work with her own triggers, the relationship will become a train wreck. Yes, the same goes for you, too.) 

It’s not rocket science, but it does take work. Yet it’s some of the most worthwhile work you will ever do in your life. The rewards are absolutely, totally and completely worth it.

You will become able to feel good about yourself, date with clarity and confidence, and replace hurt and anger with harmony and trust.

And the same skills will also help you in all your non-romantic relationships, too. Our participants report dramatic changes in their relationships with family members, friends, co-workers – and, most importantly, with themselves.

Once you’ve thoroughly learned and practice the Roadmap skills, relationships don’t have to be hard!

Now for the nitty-gritty:

How does the Roadmap course work? And what will it give you?

The Roadmap course takes place over a 12-week period. Each week, you’ll get access to that week’s audios and written worksheets. We encourage you to set aside 2-3 hours per week to work with them. If your life gets busy and you don’t keep up, that’s fine. It’s a self-paced class, and the material is yours to keep. Honor your own pace — while also remembering how important it is to invest this time in your emotional life (as preparation for the time you’ll later be investing in a happy, healthy relationship!)

Approximately every two weeks, we also come together for a group coaching call on Zoom, a videoconferencing platform. We vary the day of the week and the time of the call, in order to let more women participate live – but if you can’t come live, it’s fine, because you’ll also get the recording of each coaching call. 

Each Roadmapper also receives one hour of one-on-one coaching, which gives you a chance to work with me directly on any of your concerns or challenges. 

In addition, all Roadmap participants have access to the private Facebook group exclusively for Conscious Girlfriend students and coaching clients. This group has become a warm, supportive community of conscious, growth-oriented lesbians (some still single, others now happily coupled after having taken the Roadmap class!)

Scroll down to see the full schedule of live group coaching calls. 


Do you want someone with whom you can share the small daily moments – a good cup of tea, a garden, a movie, snuggling on the couch?

 Or someone with whom you can climb mountains, surf waves, travel the world, and continue to challenge yourself on all levels? 

Or do you want both… or something else? 

Some women we work with want a traditional relationship: living together, sleeping in the same bed every night, socializing together.

Others want more autonomy: perhaps living separately, maintaining separate lives, but coming together in ways that work for both of them. Some women are even happy in long-distance relationships.  

Maybe you’re committed to monogamy – or maybe you prefer polyamory. Maybe you’re more into snuggling than sex – or maybe having lots of great sex is high on your priority list.  

Whatever your vision is, there’s someone out there for you.  

But it’s so important to know what you want!

Most of us long for a relationship that is nurturing, trusting and accepting — a partner who really listens, who’s “got your back,” celebrates your successes, supports you through the tough times, and maybe even makes you laugh.

Sounds great, right? But how do you get there? Is it really possible?  

Many Roadmappers start the course feeling frustrated, discouraged or scared.

We often hear, “I just don’t know how to meet women.” Others say, “I meet plenty of women, but not the right women.” Or, “I’m never attracted to anyone who’s good for me.” 

Some of our participants have recently been through painful breakups. Many aren’t sure they’re ready for another relationship yet – or aren’t sure they ever want one again. Based on past experience, they fear that love will just mean giving up too much. 

If you’ve got concerns like these, you’re in the right place.   

The Roadmap will teach you how to heal, what to look for, and what to do.


broken trust bali road

Imagine trying to take a long road trip without a navigation system. You’d take a lot of wrong turns!

That’s exactly what has happened for most of us in our love lives. We simply didn’t have the tools to get us where we wanted to go. 

That’s why the Roadmap Course gives you:

  • A clear, proven, step-by-step process to help you navigate the dating process with clarity and confidence, find a compatible partner, and then lay a strong foundation for lasting love.
  • Powerful tools and processes based on cutting-edge neuroscience – learn to change your brain!   
  • A supportive online community of lesbians and queer women from all over the world, who want a conscious relationship as much as you do and are also committed to learning how to find and create that kind of love.
  • A foundation of self-love and self-compassion which you can build on every day, and which will transform all of your relationships, including the one you have 24/7 with yourself. 

Here’s What Some Past Participants Say:

Suzanne Falter, Roadmap Coaching, 2014

Thanks to your help, I found an amazing relationship. The most remarkable thing about it is that there is no drama, just a truly profound love… I honestly don’t think I could have gotten to this level of honesty and intimacy without your help. So please know what a difference you’ve made over here!

Nella M., Roadmap Class, 2015

I’m seeing changes in my life already. Healthier women are showing up — and for the first time in my life I’m learning to really ask for what I want and need. I can already see what a huge difference this will make, not just to my love life, but to all my relationships.

Cherie Taylor 

Nan and I are going strong, over a year into our Conscious Girlfriend relationship now! I love the work you do. I feel like our relationship is the proof that it works.” 

Jane D.Roadmap Class, 2015

I’ve been meaning to write you for awhile to let you know I’ve been dating an amazing woman. Working with you helped me know I mattered enough to look for what I really wanted, rather than just settling.

Hear from other Roadmap participants in their own voices here! 

We offer the Roadmap Course just three times a year, with start dates in January, May and September. Each class is limited to 25 women, and they often sell out. 

Next class starts in May 2020

Frequently-Asked Questions

Who can participate?

Conscious Girlfriend courses are open to all self-defined women who love other women, or want to. That means we actively welcome women who are just coming out, along with women who’ve been out of the closet for decades; women who identify as bisexual, as well as lesbian; women who are poly, as well as monogamous; women who are transgender, as well as cisgender. Our participants have ranged in age from 21 to 80. 


Starting in May 2020, we will offer the Roadmap class as part of the all-new Conscious Girlfriend Virtual Academy. That means you’ll get access to lots of other offerings, too – including twice-monthly live coaching calls (dates TBA, recordings available.) 

Attend from anywhere in the world via computer, tablet, cell phone or regular old landline! 

A personal message from Roadmap co-founder Ruth L. Schwartz, Ph.D.:

I’m thrilled to make the Roadmap course available to the lesbian and queer womens’ community, because I’ve seen it help so many women. 

Each time I teach this class, women say things like “I wish I’d had this info years ago!” or “This is the relationship education I’ve always longed for,” or “Wow, could this ever have spared me a lot of heartache.” 

I’ve seen women finally understand what went wrong in their past relationships, take responsibility for their own part, and start healing their hearts so they can move on.

I’ve seen women gain the confidence to start dating, not as if they’re holding their noses and jumping off cliffs, but in ways that feel grounded, integrated and even exciting. 

I’ve seen women learn how to listen to themselves, befriend their emotions, increase their self-compassion, and even become able to love themselves.

And yes, I’ve seen women find wonderful partners and form relationships and marriages which are still going strong many years later! 

I’m also passionate about teaching the Roadmap because I’ve also been through the pain and confusion of trying to date and love without these tools. 

I came out in 1982 at age 20, and have lived my whole adult life in the lesbian/queer community. At one point, I got my heart broken three times in three years. Each time, I had thought my new partner was “the one,” and each time, the relationship crashed and burned.

After a great deal of pain, I realized that I was the common denominator, and committed myself to learning whatever I needed to learn, in order to create a different outcome in my love life. 

My search took me through and beyond therapy. I learned about neuroscience and attachment. I also immersed myself in techniques like hypnotherapy and shamanism. I got a Ph.D. in Transpersonal Psychology. I stayed single for awhile, so I wouldn’t repeat my old patterns. 

Then, in 2006, I met a wonderful woman named Michelle Murrain, and we committed ourselves to co-creating a relationship more healthy and conscious than either of us had ever had before. 

Michelle’s background included a Ph.D. in Neuroscience and 25+ years of Buddhist practice. We had each traveled long, winding paths to conscious love, and we both wanted to help our community access help more easily. Together, we founded Conscious Girlfriend in 2013, wrote our book Conscious Lesbian Dating & Love, co-created the Roadmap course, and developed many other conscious dating and relationship resources.

Michelle and I created a deep, conscious love and partnership. Our shared vision was not “Together forever,” but rather, “We will love and respect one another, and treat ourselves and each other with compassion, wherever our growth paths take us.” 

In 2017, after a lifetime of gender dysphoria (feeling deeply disconnected from her own body), Michelle decided to transition her gender so she could live as a man. The woman formerly known as Michelle Murrain now continues his journey as a man named Maxwell Pearl.

Max and I still love each other deeply and remain very close. However, during the course of his transition, we also realized that our time as partners needed to draw to an end. 

Because we founded Conscious Girlfriend as a lesbian couple, we know it’s been hard for some women to watch us change the form of our relationship, and to watch Michelle become Max. We understand. It was a challenging process for us, too!

Yet our deep commitment to love and growth led us through it, and we followed Conscious Girlfriend principles all the way. Although it was very hard at times, Michelle/Max and I made our way through the fires of triggers, grief, loss, anger and confusion together, and emerged on the other side.

Now, as close friends, chosen family and soul kin, we continue learning and growing. We also speak frankly with each other about the joys and challenges we encounter with our current sweethearts.

I am completely committed to “walking my talk,” and learning from my own triggers and mistakes. My life is kind of a Conscious Girlfriend laboratory! I also love teaching and sharing the skills that have made my love life so much easier than it used to be in the bad old days. 

Professionally, I keep growing too. I’ve been on faculty at eight colleges and universities, and have published nine books. I studied relationship coaching with renowned experts Gay and Katie Hendricks, authors of Conscious Loving,  and am certified as a sex and intimacy coach through the Somatica method. 

Learning and practicing the work of conscious love is a huge part of my life’s mission — and I very much look forward to supporting you on your own path to happy, healthy relationships!

Have more questions about the Roadmap? Email me at Ruth@Consciousgirlfriend.com.

Lots of love, 


P.S. If you’re ready for the Roadmap, don’t wait too long to sign up! Each class is limited to 25 women, and they usually sell out. Remember, we guarantee this course: if you do all the work, attend all the classes, get coached, and still don’t feel the shift you’re looking for, we’ll refund your tuition. This means you’ve got nothing to lose, and a world of happy, healthy love to gain. Class starts January 22, 2020. 

© 2016 by Conscious Girlfriend, www.ConsciousGirlfriend.com