Found: The roadmap to happy, healthy, lasting lesbian love. 

We're Ruth L. Schwartz, Ph.D. & Michelle Murrain, Ph.D., and we want to help you make your dreams come true. The fulfilling love you want won't happen by accident or magic - but we have a proven path to get you there. 

 The Winter 2017 Roadmap Course starts on January 23rd, 2017. Registration closes January 20th or when the class fills up, whichever comes first!  (Limited to 25 women)


As lesbians and queer women, most of us had no one to teach us how to date wisely and love well.

So it's not surprising (and not a personal failing) if you...

  • ​Find dating awkward, scary or unsatisfying, or just don't know how.
  • Have gotten into relationships that started out amazing, but ended in disconnection, anger and heartbreak.
  • Have sometimes questioned whether love is even worth it. Does it always have to be so hard?
  • Find yourself still hurting years after a breakup, and feeling gun-shy about trying to love again.
  • Know for sure you don't want to make the same mistakes again, but aren't positive how to avoid them.
  • Have a little part of you that wonders if there's something unlovable about you. 
  • Feel afraid of spending the rest of your life alone, but also clear that you don't want to settle for a bad relationship.
  • Fear that your "picker" may be broken - you always choose the wrong women. 
  • Worry that your standards are too high, or you're being unrealistic.
  • Hope that the right woman for you must be out there somewhere, but have no idea how to find her, or whether you ever will.
  • Sometimes fear it's too late for you, you've missed your chance, all the good ones are taken, or maybe you're somehow not meant to have a happy long-term love. You wonder whether you'll have to spend your life alone.

We get it. We've been there. And we want you to know it can change.

We both went through plenty of heartache before learning how to create the wonderful marriage we share today. Now we've created the Roadmap to make YOUR journey to lasting love a whole lot easier!

The Roadmap is a comprehensive 12-week online course and group coaching program that will help you learn how to find and create happy, healthy, lasting lesbian love -- not just for the first few weeks or months, but for the rest of your life if that's what you want. 


Imagine... having a partner who lets you know every day that she values and cherishes you, and also lets you love her in ways that bring deeper meaning to your days.

A partner with whom you feel a deep sense of mutual respect and trust. Someone you can laugh with, kiss and cuddle -- and, when the mood strikes you both, make gentle, sweet or hot wild love.

Someone with whom you can share the small daily moments --  hugging her from behind while she's washing dishes, laughing at the cat's silly antics -- and medium-sized and big adventures, too.  

Weekends at a hot spring, trips to the beach, hikes, art museums, concerts, meditation retreats, helping Habitat for Humanity build houses, having friends over for brunch or just sitting together on the couch with the cat and your laptops - whatever suits you both.  

And most importantly, a partner with whom you feel totally free to speak your heart and mind, knowing that she'll listen with compassion and love - and knowing you have the ability and commitment to listen to her that same way. Together you feel secure and confident in your connection, able to work through any conflicts that arise. Each day you grow closer and more intimate, even through all the inevitable challenges life brings.

This kind of relationship isn't a myth or fantasy. It's what we live every day. 

But we didn't get here by luck or chance. We got here the hard way, without a roadmap!

Michelle's Story:

"Back in 1998, my wake-up call came when my partner 'Mary' threw a chair at me. During our nine years together, I'd gradually stopped seeing friends, going on meditation retreats, and even going to the gym, because all of those things made Mary mad. She didn't work, so I supported her, but nothing I did was good enough.

"It took physical violence from Mary before I finally left - and then it took me a lot longer to recognize that I'd rarely stood up for myself because I hadn't fully believed I deserved better. I wish I'd had a Roadmap to help me learn how to love myself, communicate my feelings, assert my needs, and find a partner who could love me well. I got here, but it took so much longer without a Roadmap..."

Ruth's Story:  "Back in the early 2000s, I went through three devastating breakups in three years. Each time, I'd been so sure my partner was 'the one.' I was shattered. It took me a long time to come to terms with all the red flags I'd ignored. I got into my relationships based on lust and tenderness. I had no idea how to look for true compatibility. 

"But eventually I realized I was a walking red flag myself! I had never really healed from my breakups; I just got into new relationships to try to soothe the pain. I gave too much and demanded too much at the same time. When I got triggered, I blamed my partners and tried to get them to change. I thought the problem was that I kept choosing unavailable women - and I was partly right. But that pattern couldn't shift till I learned how to change myself."

The good news is that after all those mistakes and all that heartache, we learned how to do it differently - and created a relationship much better than we could even have imagined back then.

Since we got here, we know for sure you can too. That's why we created the Roadmap, a comprehensive 12-week online experience and group coaching program that can change your life. We hope you'll join us!


Imagine wanting to climb a really big, beautiful, important mountain -- and knowing you can do it if you get the right training, guidance and support.

No one else can climb it for you, but having guides who know the terrain can make all the difference in your climb. 

That's why the Roadmap gives you:

  • A clear, proven, step-by-step process to help you navigate the dating process with clarity and confidence, find a compatible partner, and then lay a strong foundation for lasting love.
  • Lesbian mentors who really understand your experience - we've been there in the trenches of dating and relationship frustration and pain, too!  But now we have a 10-year marriage full of intimacy, trust, respect, fun, passion, affection, harmony and ease... and we can teach you exactly how we did it, and what we do every day to keep our love strong.
  • A supportive online community of lesbians and queer women from all over the world, who want a conscious relationship as much as you do and are also committed to learning how to find and create that kind of love.
  • Powerful exercises and practices based on cutting-edge neuroscience and psychology, infused with Buddhism and other spiritual practices, to help you create the lasting change you want.
  • Guidance through all the awkward nitty-gritty stuff of dating, like how to write a good online profile, how to meet women locally, how to ask a woman out, how to tell a friend you have feelings for her, how to distinguish a "date date" from a "friend date," what to say on the first date, and more. 
  • An understanding of the mysteries of chemistry and compatibility, so you never again have to get blindsided by the experience of "clicking" with someone at first, but being unable to make a relationship work down the line. 
  • The certainty that you're finally really ready for the love you want. You know you deserve it, you've got a clear vision, and you can recognize dating red flags and steer clear of them.
Suzanne FalterRoadmap Coaching, 2014

Thanks to your help, I found an amazing relationship. The most remarkable thing about it is that there is no drama, just a truly profound love... I honestly don't think I could have gotten to this level of honesty and intimacy without your help. So please know what a difference you've made over here!

Nella M. Roadmap Class, 2015

I'm seeing changes in my life already. Healthier women are showing up -- and for the first time in my life I'm learning to really ask for what I want and need. I can already see what a huge difference this will make, not just to my love life, but to all my relationships.

Hear from other Roadmap participants in their own voices here! 


...Because you can only date with confidence once you know you're really ready for the love you want - and have the skills to make it last. 

We spend the first six weeks of the roadmap helping you prepare to be the right partner, and the second six weeks guiding you to find the right partner - because both finding her and being her are equally important.  

The first half of the Roadmap will help you:​

  • Envision the healthy relationship you really want, and fully know that you deserve it.
  • Make peace with the past so you're truly ready to open your heart to the love you want.
  • Understand the brain science behind creating new neural pathways, so you can dramatically increase your self-compassion and self-love. 
  • Understand and befriend your own emotions, leading to greater ease and confidence in all of your relationships - including your relationship with yourself. 
  • Learn our powerful 5-step SCORE Process for dismantling your triggers and communicating skillfully, no matter what comes up.
  • Practice speaking and listening in ways that let you be fully seen and heard, building trust and emotional intimacy. 

The second half of the Roadmap will help you:​

  • Understand the pros, cons, advantages and pitfalls of meeting women online or offline, and develop an effective dating plan that suits your personality and circumstance.  
  • Create an appealing, authentic online profile that screens out women who aren't right for you, and draws women who truly share your relationship vision.
  •  Feel comfortable with early dating communication, including things like moving from email or texting to phone, video chat and in-person meetings, how to find out more about her without interrogating her, and how to share about yourself without doing an off-putting "info dump." 
  • Know which "red flags" to watch out for, and also how to find out more so that you can see whether the flags stay red, or turn yellow or possibly even green. 
  • Learn when and how to discuss your relationship vision, even early in the dating process.
  • Have a clear plan for how and when to allow physical intimacy into the relationship, so you can make sure your body, brain and heart stay on the same conscious page. 
  • Feel confident that you can communicate what you feel, want and need as the relationship deepens. 
Cherie Taylor Roadmap Coaching, 2014

Nan and I are going strong, over a year into our Conscious Girlfriend relationship now! I love the work you do. I feel like our relationship is the proof that it works." 

Jane D.Roadmap Class, 2015

I've been meaning to write you for awhile to let you know I've been dating an amazing woman. Working with you helped me know I mattered enough to look for what I really wanted, rather than just settling.


  • 12 In-Depth Weekly Lessons.  Each week you'll get comprehensive audio lessons (approximately 1 hour of audios per week) and written worksheets with journaling, visioning and other exercises for you to do. The lessons are full of clear, frank guidance, plus tools to help you gain skills, clarity and confidence. .  
  • Fourteen Hours of Group Coaching.  At the start of the course, and every two weeks after that, we come together live (via phone or video chat - so you can participate from anywhere in the world) to answer your questions and coach you through any stumbling blocks. Of course, you'll also get recordings of these calls. And many women say that getting to share the experience with their classmates is a very enriching part of the course, too! 
  • Build Community With Other Conscious Singles. Roadmap members get access to our private Facebook group (exclusively for our students and clients), giving you another way to connect with your class members and the women who've gone through our previous Roadmap classes (close to 75 graduates now!)
  • Individual Attention. Each Roadmap course is limited to 25 women. There's time for you to speak on each coaching call, and if you email us, we answer!
  • One Hour of One-On-One Coaching. Use your hour with Coach Michelle at the end of the course, to chart your path forward - or use it at any point when you need extra support.
  • Free Copy of our book Conscious Lesbian Dating & Love: A Roadmap For Finding the Right Partner and Creating the Relationship of Your Dreams. 
  • Graduates Get A Free Year on our dating community, Heart + Mind Women. 

Next Roadmap Class Starts January 23rd! Enrollment closes January 20th or when the class fills. It's limited to 25 women - so sign up now!

Cost for the Roadmap Course is $597, or 3 installments of $199 each.

A.H., Roadmap Fall 2015

I have to echo so many other women about how incredible the Roadmap class is. There have been so many epiphanies. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! I've done a lot of work, yet there were so many areas I was still stuck in... Having it be a lesbian context makes a huge difference." 

J.C., Roadmap Fall 2015

I came in a skeptic, and left a believer. The Roadmap course has improved all my relationships, and, mostly importantly, my relationship with myself. 


​I recently went through a breakup. Is now a good time to take the Roadmap class, or should I wait till I've healed more?

Many participants take the Roadmap shortly after a breakup, and we've found that to be very powerful timing. Taking the class now will help you heal more quickly and completely, gain more understanding of what went wrong in that relationship, and also feel empowered to create a different relationship future for yourself when you're ready.

I'm going to be pretty busy over the next few months. Should I wait and take the Roadmap later?

If the Roadmap calls to you now, we'd encourage you to listen to your heart! The audios, worksheets and recorded coaching calls will be yours to keep forever, so even if you can't keep pace with the group for the entire 12 weeks, you'll still benefit. However, as with most things, what you'll receive from the course is proportionate to what you put in. We encourage you to spend 2-4 hours a week doing the Roadmap if possible (after all, once you find the woman of your dreams, we're sure you'll want to spend at least that much time with her!) 

I'm not a very tech-savvy person. Will I have a hard time with the Roadmap?

If you're reading this page right now, and you can click on a link, you should be fine with the Roadmap! Each week we'll email a link to that week's audio and written lessons, and to the next group Coaching Call (which you can attend either via computer - which we encourage, since it lets you see us and other Roadmap participants) or via phone. 

Who are your Roadmap participants? Where do they live, how old are they, and how do they identify?

We're proud to have participants from all over the United States and, thus far, from at least three other countries. We love being international!  The women in the Roadmap have ranged from age 29 to age 79. They identify as lesbian, gay, queer, bisexual, or trans.  Some have been out for decades; others are just coming out. If you're a self-identified woman who loves women, or wants to, we welcome you!​

When will the Winter 2017 Roadmap Coaching Calls take place? And what if I have to miss a call?

All calls will be recorded, so it's okay if you can't attend them live (though of course it's great if you can!) We schedule them on different weekday evenings and weekend days to try to accommodate varying schedules. If you know in advance that you can't be there, you can also email us questions ahead of time, and we'll answer them on the call. Here's the schedule for Winter 2017 (all times listed are in Pacific time, so if you're in a different time zone, please adjust accordingly!)

The schedule below is for the group we're currently filling. It's important for each participant to attend for the whole 12 weeks, so you can get to know your classmates better. The strong, supportive community of lesbians and queer women going through this growth experience together is part of what makes the Roadmap so effective!  

lesbian relationship

Coaching Call Schedule: (All Times PACIFIC TIME)

Kick-off call: Monday January 23rd, 5:30pm

Sunday February 5th 4:00pm

Tuesday February 21st, 5:30pm

Sunday March 5th, 4:00pm

Monday, March 20th, 5:30pm

Sunday, April 2th, 4:00pm

Closing Call: Wednesday, April 19th, 5:30pm

What happens during the Roadmap Coaching Calls?

At each coaching call, you'll have a chance to check in - to talk about how you're applying the course material, and any stumbling blocks you're encountering.  We'll answer your questions and give you laser coaching. After everyone on the call has checked in, we'll do more role-playing. Most Roadmap participants have found it extremely valuable to get to hear other women's questions and experiences, as well as our responses and examples.  

What if I'm not a group person, and would rather go through the Roadmap one-on-one?

We'd be happy to create a private coaching package for you, and customize the Roadmap material to best suit your needs. To explore this possibility, just email  However, we'd also encourage you to consider taking the Roadmap class and supplementing it with private coaching, since most participants find the feeling of community quite helpful.​

What if the right woman for me just isn't out there? ​

We hear this question over and over, and we understand the fear behind it. But we've seen over and over that once someone is truly ready, their right partner shows up. We work with thousands of women all over the country - and all over the world. So no matter who and where you are, we predict there's a "conscious girlfriend" out there waiting for you, and the Roadmap will help you get ready for her and then find her. 

What if the Roadmap doesn't work for me?​

If you do the Roadmap work, it'll work for you!  But we know that making this kind of commitment to yourself can be scary. So to help make it easier, we offer a guarantee. We invite you to register for the class and participate fully. Come to the coaching calls, listen to the audios, do the written exercises, take part in your 1:1 coaching - and if, at the end of the 12 weeks, you feel you didn't get what you came for, just let us know and we'll refund your tuition. 


We believe the Roadmap class can change your dating and relationship life forever.  

In an ideal world, we would all have gotten to take this kind of class as teenagers! But since that didn't happen, there's no time like the present to become a "conscious girlfriend," and open the door to the kind of dating and love you really want.

Intimate relationships are such a key part of happiness for most of us. So, isn't it worth it to invest 40 or so hours of your life, and the cost of an average weekend away,  in a course that will help you create the love you really want?

Lesbians are amazing, courageous, resourceful women. We came out of the closet, often facing discrimination and rejection, because of our deep desire to love and be loved by another woman.  Yet despite our bravery, it hasn't been easy to find out how to make that love strong, healthy and lasting. 

We've met many women who have actually given up on love. "If I'm attracted to her, she'll be bad for me," they say. Or, "Relationships just aren't worth it."

We understand why they - and you - may have gotten discouraged. But isn't it worth going through a step-by-step process to learn how to do this thing, rather than just giving up?​

A lot has changed for our community over the last decade. Who ever thought we'd see same-sex marriage legalized throughout the U.S. - and many other countries - in our lifetimes?! Now the time has come for us to take our relationships to the next level. We can do it. You can do it.  

We hope you'll sign up for the Roadmap. But even if you don't, we also hope that just reading this page will make a positive difference in your life.

After all, how many times in your life have you gotten to hear, "You have the power to create your relationship destiny? It's not up to chance, magic, luck or fate. You can learn how to find the right partner, and also how to be the right partner. There are learnable tools and steps to follow. You can do it, and you're worth it. You deserve lasting love."

We're thrilled to bring you this message of hope and possibility - and also these proven, neuroscience-based, psychologically savvy tools. Our lives would have been very different if someone had offered us this roadmap way back when!

We had to struggle through years of painful relationships and breakups, therapy, workshops, self-help books and sheer determination to find a better way. Now that we found an easier, more direct route, we're offering it to you.   

Hope to see you in the Roadmap!  xoxoxo  ​