Lesbians and queer women: Are you tired of being single, but afraid of getting your heart broken again? Do you wish there were a way to learn to date, connect and communicate, and get what you really want in love?    

We've got good news: there is a way. There is a roadmap that guides women-loving women through dating that's "smart for your heart," and into healthy, happy love.  The right woman is out there, and you can find her and create an amazing, drama-free relationship! 


As lesbians and queer women, most of us had no one to teach us how to date wisely and love well. 

So it's not surprising (and not a personal failing) if you...

  • Find dating awkward or terrifying, or have no idea how to start. 
  • Have gotten into relationships that started out amazing, but ended in disconnection, anger and heartbreak.
  • Have sometimes questioned whether love is even worth it - does it always have to be so hard? 
  • Feel afraid of spending the rest of your life alone, but also clear that you don't want to settle for a bad relationship.
  • Fear that your "picker" may be broken - you always choose the wrong women. 
  • Worry that your standards are too high, or you're being unrealistic.
  • Aren't sure you even know what you most want in a relationship. 
  • Hope that the right woman for you must be out there somewhere, but have no idea how to find her, or whether you ever will.

If any of this sounds familiar, you're in the right place. 

If any of this sounds familiar, you're in the right place! These questions, fears and doubts are a sign that you've been traveling the dating & relationship highways without a clear map.

"The Roadmap" is short for the 12-Week Roadmap to Conscious Lesbian Dating & Lasting Love, a comprehensive online course that can help you have the love life you really want.

Created by the co-founders of Conscious Girlfriend, Dr. Ruth L. Schwartz and Dr. Michelle Murrain, this unique course combines cutting-edge tools from neuroscience, psychology and spirituality to help you learn how to prepare for, find and sustain happy, healthy lesbian love -- not just for the first few weeks or months, but for the rest of your life.

Over 12 weeks, the Roadmap Course will take you step by step through the processes of:

  • Preparing for a relationship (which includes healing from past relationships, and knowing what you really want.)
  • Developing the emotional and communication skills you need to succeed in the relationship of your dreams. 
  • Getting crystal-clear on your deal-breakers and must-haves, so you'll be able to tell Ms. Right from Ms. Wrong!
  • Understanding how chemistry and compatibility really work and what truly matters most (there are some surprises here for most women!) 
  • Learning how to recognize "red flags" when you're dating, and what to do about them. 
  • Getting comfortable with the vulnerability of dating, so you can meet new women with curiosity, clarity and confidence. 
  • Nitty-gritty dating tools, tips and strategies. Best practices for meeting women online - or offline. What to do, and what not to do, on a first date - and beyond. 
  • And last but not least, what to do when you think you've found her -- how to go about laying a strong foundation for the relationship of your dreams.  


Why are (lesbian) relationships so hard?

We get this question all the time.

Actually, relationships between people of any gender(s) are often hard, because as human beings, we're wired to love and need connection - and to freak out when we're afraid the connection may 1) get taken away, or 2) suffocate us. But lesbian relationships do have some special challenges, because often two women bond more quickly and deeply - and therefore can also hurt each other more - than partnerships between women and men, or men and men. 

The sad truth is, most of us never got a chance to learn the essential skills to choose a partner wisely, and co-create a happy, healthy, lasting relationship.

You probably didn't learn how from your parents; they may not have known (and even if your parents did have an excellent relationship, that still probably didn't prepare you to create that with another woman...) So you may have been flying blind (and if so, it's not your fault!)

There's no way to learn real dating and relationship skills from mainstream culture, books, movies or music. In fact, our culture tends to focus on the most unsustainable, drama-filled representations of love - the "You are my everything," "I'll die if you leave me" models, which really don't work long-term.

Many lesbians and queer women are great at falling in love. Perhaps you've had this experience: you meet a woman and are drawn to her. You feel tender toward her; she makes you laugh; you feel safe with her or thrilled by her, and the chemistry is HOT! It feels as if the two of you connect so deeply and easily, it's hard to believe you'll ever have problems. You dive in deep and fast. It feels amazing... 

... and then it doesn't. Over time, and sometimes very quickly, it turns out you're not so compatible after all. She withdraws, and you feel hurt. Or you feel overwhelmed, and pull back out of self-preservation, and she gets clingy. You criticize each other, fight, process for hours, get hurt, stop having sex -- or all of the above. The misunderstandings and resentments might pile up quickly, or perhaps the process is so slow you don't even realize how far apart you've gotten until it's too late. 

On top of all of this, you might be grappling with a homophobic culture -- rejection from her family or yours, fear of coming out, or discrimination. These stresses just make everything harder.  

If this heartbreak has ever happened to you, it's understandable that you might be wary of love. You might think there's no one out there for you, or you're just not meant to have a relationship. You might wonder if it's too late for you, "all the good ones are taken," or just feel confused and sad about the whole thing.

We get it. But that's why we want you to know it is possible for you to learn how to date wisely, recognize the right partner -- and also become the right partner. It is possible for you to have happy, healthy love. It just takes learning how.

And that's what the Roadmap Course will help you do. 

Throughout this experiential course, you'll learn how to be more compassionate - both toward others, and most especially toward yourself.

You'll learn new communication skills, and new ways of understanding and working with your emotions.

And you'll learn how to look for a woman who also has these skills, or who is genuinely open to learning them.

It's not rocket science, but it does take work. Yet it's some of the most worthwhile work you will ever do in your life. The rewards are absolutely, totally and completely worth it - as you become able to feel good about yourself, date with clarity and confidence, and replace hurt and anger with harmony and trust.

And the same skills will also help you in all your non-romantic relationships, too. Our participants report dramatic changes in their relationships with family members, friends, co-workers - and, most importantly, with themselves.

Once you've thoroughly learned the Roadmap skills, relationships don't have to be hard!


Do you want someone with whom you can share the small daily moments - a good cup of tea, a garden, a movie, snuggling on the couch?

 Or someone with whom you can climb mountains, surf waves, travel the world, and continue to challenge yourself on all levels? 

Or do you want both... or something else? 

Some women we work with want a fairly traditional relationship: living together, sleeping in the same bed every night, socializing together.

Others want more autonomy, like living together but having separate rooms, or perhaps not living together at all. Some women are even happy in long-distance relationships.  

Maybe you're committed to monogamy - or maybe you prefer polyamory. Maybe you're more into affection than sex - or maybe you're highly sexual. 

Whatever your vision is, there's someone out there for you.  But it's so important to know what you want when you're dating!

Regardless of the specifics, almost all of us want a relationship that is nurturing, trusting and accepting. Someone who really listens to you, who's "got your back," you celebrates your successes, supports you through the tough times - and maybe, if you're lucky, even makes you laugh.  

But how do you get there? Is it really possible?  

Most of the Roadmap students start the course feeling frustrated, discouraged or scared. Many feel they just don't know how to meet women... or else they meet women all the time, but not the right women!

Many are afraid there's something about them that's just too broken for the kind of relationship they want. They're scared of getting rejected.

If you've got concerns like these, you're in the right place.   

The Roadmap will teach you how to heal, what to look for, and what to do.   


broken trust bali road

Imagine trying to take a long road trip without a map or GPS. You'd take a lot of wrong turns!

That's exactly what has happened for most of us in our love lives. We simply didn't have the map to help us get where we wanted to go. 

That's why the Roadmap Course gives you:

  • A clear, proven, step-by-step process to help you navigate the dating process with clarity and confidence, find a compatible partner, and then lay a strong foundation for lasting love.
  • Powerful tools and processes based on cutting-edge neuroscience - learn to change your brain!   
  • A supportive online community of lesbians and queer women from all over the world, who want a conscious relationship as much as you do and are also committed to learning how to find and create that kind of love.
  • A foundation of self-love and self-compassion which you can build on every day, and which will transform all of your relationships, including the one you have 24/7 with yourself. 

Here's What Some Past Participants Say:

Suzanne FalterRoadmap Coaching, 2014

Thanks to your help, I found an amazing relationship. The most remarkable thing about it is that there is no drama, just a truly profound love... I honestly don't think I could have gotten to this level of honesty and intimacy without your help. So please know what a difference you've made over here!

Nella M. Roadmap Class, 2015

I'm seeing changes in my life already. Healthier women are showing up -- and for the first time in my life I'm learning to really ask for what I want and need. I can already see what a huge difference this will make, not just to my love life, but to all my relationships.

Cherie Taylor 

Nan and I are going strong, over a year into our Conscious Girlfriend relationship now! I love the work you do. I feel like our relationship is the proof that it works." 

Jane D.Roadmap Class, 2015

I've been meaning to write you for awhile to let you know I've been dating an amazing woman. Working with you helped me know I mattered enough to look for what I really wanted, rather than just settling.

Hear from other Roadmap participants in their own voices here! 

We offer the Roadmap Course just three times a year, with start dates in January, May and September. Each class is limited to 25 women, and they almost always sell out - so, don't wait too long to sign up!

Next class starts May 30, 2018. 


  • 12 In-Depth Weekly Lessons.  Each week you'll get comprehensive audio lessons (approximately 1 hour of audios per week) and written worksheets with journaling, visioning and other exercises for you to do. The lessons are full of clear, frank guidance, plus tools to help you gain skills, clarity and confidence. .  
  • Fourteen Hours of Group Coaching.  At the start of the course, and every two weeks after that, we come together live (via phone or video chat - so you can participate from anywhere in the world) to answer your questions and coach you through any stumbling blocks. (You'll also get recordings of these calls, so it's fine if you have to miss some of them - though it's great to come live if you can.) Many women say that getting to share the experience with their classmates is one of the most important parts of the process. 
  • Build Community With Other Conscious Singles. Roadmap members get access to our private Facebook group so you can connect with your class members and the women who've gone through our previous Roadmap classes (over 100 graduates now!)
  • Individual Attention. Each Roadmap course is limited to 25 women. There's time for you to speak on each coaching call, and if you email us, we answer!
  • One Hour of One-On-One Coaching. Use your private coaching hour at the end of the course, to chart your path forward - or use it at any point when you need extra support. Need more one-on-one time? You can add more hours at a discounted rate.
  • Free Copy of our book Conscious Lesbian Dating & Love: A Roadmap For Finding the Right Partner and Creating the Relationship of Your Dreams. 

Next Roadmap Class Starts May 30. Enrollment closes one week earlier or when the class fills, whichever comes first. The class is limited to 25 women. 

Your investment is $597, or 3 installments of $199 each.

Still Have Questions? In That Case, Please Keep Reading!

A.H., Roadmap Fall 2016

I have to echo so many other women about how incredible the Roadmap class is. There have been so many epiphanies. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! I've done a lot of work, yet there were so many areas I was still stuck in... Having it be a lesbian context makes a huge difference." 

J.C., Roadmap Fall 2017

I came in a skeptic, and left a believer. The Roadmap course has improved all my relationships, and, mostly importantly, my relationship with myself. 


​I recently went through a breakup, and I'm definitely not ready for a relationship yet. Should I take the Roadmap now, or wait till I've healed more? 

Many participants take the Roadmap shortly after a breakup, and we've found that to be very powerful timing. Taking the class now will help you heal more quickly and completely, gain more understanding of what went wrong in that relationship, and also feel empowered to create a different relationship future for yourself when you're ready.

I've been looking online and trying to date for quite a while, and nothing works. How could the Roadmap possibly help me? 

We talk with thousands of women looking for partners each year, so we know the problem isn't that "she's not out there." And we've seen over and over again that the Roadmap helps women get to the real issues - and resolve them with self-compassion and powerful new skills.

For instance, it might be that your dating isn't working out because you're actually not ready yet. The Roadmap will help you understand what "readiness" really is, and help you get there.

It might be that you're not sure you deserve the love you want. The Roadmap will help you love yourself and know your own true worth.

genderqueer woman with bow tie dating on the gender spectrum

It might be that you don't know how to recognize a compatible partner... or that you don't know how to communicate effectively while dating... or that you're too shy to put yourself out there... or that you don't know how to say No when you need to... or that you're afraid a relationship will require too much sacrifice or compromise... or, any of many other issues that we see holding women back.

Rest assured, we've helped women handle all of these issues and many, many more. If what you've been doing hasn't been working, it's time to do something different - and the Roadmap will show you how.  

I'm pretty busy. Should I still take the Roadmap?

If the Roadmap calls to you now, we'd encourage you to listen to your heart! The audios, worksheets and recorded coaching calls will be yours to keep forever, so even if you can't keep pace with the group, you'll still benefit. However, as with most things, what you'll receive from the course is proportionate to what you put in. We encourage you to spend 2-4 hours a week doing the Roadmap if possible (after all, once you find the woman of your dreams, we're sure you'll want to spend at least that much time with her!) 

I'm not a very tech-savvy person. Will I have a hard time with the Roadmap?

If you're reading this page right now, and you can click on a link, you should be fine with the Roadmap! Each week we'll email a link to that week's audio and written lessons, and to the next group Coaching Call (which you can attend either via computer - which we encourage, since it lets you see us and other Roadmap participants) or via phone. 

I'm not sure I want a traditional relationship. Do you support alternative visions?

Absolutely! We support anything that both (or all) of the people involved want, whether that's monogamy or open relationships, lesbian-exclusivity or bisexuality, living together or not, and any other form of consensual relationship you might dream up. ​

Who are your Roadmap participants? 

We're proud to have participants from all over the United States and, thus far, from at least three other countries. We love being international!  The women in the Roadmap have ranged from age 29 to age 79. They identify as lesbian, gay, queer, bisexual, or trans.  Some have been out for decades; others are just coming out. If you're a self-identified woman who loves women, or wants to, we welcome you!​

When will the Roadmap Coaching Calls take place? And what if I have to miss a call?

All calls will be recorded, so it's okay if you can't attend them live (though of course it's great if you can!) We schedule them on different weekday evenings and weekend days to try to accommodate varying schedules. If you know in advance that you can't be there, you can also email us questions ahead of time, and we'll answer them on the call. . 

The heart of the class is the self-paced work which will arrive in your in-box each week for 12 weeks - but the strong, supportive community of lesbians and queer women going through this growth experience together is part of what makes the Roadmap so effective!  

lesbian relationship

Coaching Call Schedule for May 2018 Roadmap: 

We vary the schedule deliberately to increase the odds that each participant will be able to attend some, if not all of the calls. We typically have students from all over the U.S. and Canada, and often students from other countries too. Weekend times have been chosen to accommodate women overseas! 

You'll receive audio and video recordings of all calls, so it's OK if you have to miss them.

Kick-off call:  Wednesday, May 30, 5:30-7:30 p.m. PST

Call #2: Saturday, June 16, 12:00-2:00 p.m. PST

Call #3: Monday, June 25, 5:30-7:30 p.m. PST

Call #4: Sunday, July 8, 12:00-2:00 p.m. PST

Call #5: Friday, July 20, 5:30-7:30 p.m. PST

Call #6: Tuesday, July 31, 5:30-7:30 p.m. PST

Call #7: Closing Call & Celebration! Sunday, August 12, 12:00-2:00 p.m. 

What happens during the Roadmap Coaching Calls?

At each coaching call, you'll have a chance to check in - to talk a little bit about how you're working with the course material, what's coming up for you, any stumbling blocks you're encountering, and any epiphanies and successes you're having.  We'll answer your questions and give you some laser coaching, too. Often, after everyone on the call has checked in, we have time for some role-playing. We hear over and over from Roadmap participants that it's been valuable to hear other women's questions and experiences, as well as our responses.   

What if I'm not a group person, and would rather go through the Roadmap one-on-one?

We'd be happy to create a private coaching package for you, and customize the Roadmap material to best suit your needs. To explore this possibility, just email Ruth@consciousgirlfriend.com.  However, we'd also encourage you to consider taking the Roadmap class and supplementing it with private coaching, since most participants find the feeling of community quite helpful.

What if the Roadmap doesn't work for me?​

If you do the Roadmap work, it'll work for you!  But we know that making this kind of commitment to yourself can be scary. So to help make it easier, we offer a guarantee. We invite you to register for the class and participate fully. Come to the coaching calls, listen to the audios, do the written exercises, take part in your 1:1 coaching - and if, at the end of the 12 weeks, you feel you didn't get what you came for, just let us know and we'll refund your tuition. 

 Final Thoughts from Ruth, the Roadmap's Co-Creator 

Over and over, I've witnessed how the Roadmap class can change womens' dating and relationship lives.  It's incredibly gratifying to hear women talk about how differently they approach dating now - and how differently they feel about themselves.  

In an ideal world, we would all have gotten to take this kind of class as teenagers! But since that didn't happen, there's no time like the present to become a "conscious girlfriend," and open the door to the kind of dating and love you really want. It's never too late (or too early! Our participants range in age from early 20s to 70s and beyond.)  

Lesbians are amazing, courageous, resourceful women. We came out of the closet, often facing discrimination and rejection, because of our deep desire to love and be loved by another woman.  

Yet despite our bravery, it hasn't been easy to find out how to make that love strong, healthy and lasting. I've heard from so many women who have actually given up on love. "If I'm attracted to her, she'll be bad for me," they say. Or, "Relationships just aren't worth it." 

And I get it. If you're doing the same thing over and over and it's not working, it does make sense to stop...and to learn how to do it differently! It's within your power to learn how to date wisely and love well, and it's so completely worth the time and effort it takes.

A lot has changed for our community over the last decade. Now that we are legally able to marry throughout the U.S. and in many other countries - now that, more and more often, we can truly be open about who we are and who we love - it's more important than ever to make that love strong, healthy and happy.

We can do it. You can do it! And whether you choose to sign up for the Roadmap or not, I hope that just reading this page will make a positive difference in your life.

After all, how many times in your life have you gotten to hear, "You have the power to create your relationship destiny? It's not up to chance, magic, luck or fate. You can learn how to find the right partner, and also how to be the right partner. There are learnable tools and steps to follow. You can do it, and you're worth it. You deserve lasting love."

I'm so glad to bring you this message of hope and possibility -- and I hope to get to work with you in the Roadmap, so you can go beyond hope and possibility, and actually find and create the love you want!  

Much love,


Mary, Roadmap Fall 2016

It feels so good that even though I haven't met my partner yet, I now have a "knowingness" and confidence that I will make a wise choice while dating - and I'm also more relaxed now in being single, since I have such great new skills in navigating anything that comes up. This is so awesome what you have done for my love life!" 

P.S. In case you're wondering, "Who is this Ruth person,?!" here's a snippet.

I came out in 1982, and though I'm attracted to people of all genders, I've lived my whole adult life in the lesbian/queer community. The majority of my relationships have been with women. 

I have a Ph.D. in Transpersonal Psychology, and have had a private practice since 2003. In addition, I've studied many transformational healing modalities, including hypnotherapy and shamanism - and I was fortunate to be able to learn relationship coaching from renowned experts Gay and Katie Hendricks, authors of Conscious Loving and many other groundbreaking books. Most recently, I've completed the Somatica training program in somatic sex and relationship coaching. I'm also a writer, author of nine published books, and have taught at eight colleges and universities.

My beloved partner Michelle Murrain and I co-founded Conscious Girlfriend in 2014, and co-authored a book along with co-creating the Roadmap and many other conscious dating and relationship tools. In 2017, after a lifetime of gender dysphoria, Michelle realized her next step in growth and healing was a gender transition. The person formerly known as Michelle now continues his journey as a man named Maxwell Pearl.

Max and I still love each other deeply, though the form of our relationship has changed. And since he no longer identifies as female, I now teach Conscious Girlfriend on my own, with much love and appreciation for the unique path each one of us must take. I look forward to supporting you on your own path!

-- Ruth L. Schwartz, Ph.D.