Found: The roadmap to happy, healthy lesbian dating ...and the relationship you truly want. 

We're Ruth L. Schwartz, Ph.D. & Michelle Murrain, Ph.D., and if you've had a hard relationship road, we understand. We did, too, until we learned the secrets and skills we teach in our groundbreaking Roadmap to Conscious Lesbian Dating & Lasting Love. We've helped hundreds of women - and we can help you, too.


As lesbians and queer women, most of us had no one to teach us how to date wisely and love well. 

So it's not surprising (and not a personal failing) if you...

  • ​Find dating awkward, scary or unsatisfying, or just don't know how.
  • Have gotten into relationships that started out amazing, but ended in disconnection, anger and heartbreak.
  • Have sometimes questioned whether love is even worth it. Does it always have to be so hard?
  • Find yourself still hurting years after a breakup,. 
  • Feel afraid of spending the rest of your life alone, but also clear that you don't want to settle for a bad relationship.
  • Fear that your "picker" may be broken - you always choose the wrong women. 
  • Worry that your standards are too high, or you're being unrealistic.
  • Aren't sure you even know what you most want in a relationship. 
  • Hope that the right woman for you must be out there somewhere, but have no idea how to find her, or whether you ever will.

If any of this sounds familiar, you're in the right place. 

The Roadmap is a groundbreaking 12-week online course and group coaching program - the first of its kind anywhere in the world designed exclusively for lesbians and queer women!

This unique transformational experience incorporates tools from neuroscience, psychology and spirituality to help you learn how to find and create happy, healthy, lasting lesbian love -- not just for the first few weeks or months, but for the rest of your life if that's what you want. 


We've heard so many women say, "Relationships are just too hard," or "Maybe I'm just not cut out for a relationship." There's a lot of discouragement, hurt and fear out there, so if you've got some too, you're not alone. 

But even so, your heart hasn't let you completely give up on love. It's just too important.  

Maybe you want a relationship different, and better, than any relationship you've ever had before. Maybe you want one different or better than any relationship you've ever seen. ​

Or maybe you want a relationship that feels as good as your best moments in love - but without the drama, hurt and misunderstanding that might have been part of that relationship, too.  

Either way, we've got the formula to get you there. It takes just two key steps: learning to find the right partner, and learning to be the right partner.  The Roadmap will teach you how.


The specifics are different for each one of us. That's why we'll teach you to get crystal-clear on your vision. 

Maybe you want someone with whom you can share the small daily moments - music you love, a good cup of tea, a garden, a movie, snuggling on the couch. 

Or maybe you want an adventure partner - someone with whom you can climb mountains, surf waves, travel the world. Or maybe you want both!

Maybe you want something more traditional: living together, sleeping in the same bed every night, and doing a lot of your socializing together. OR maybe you have a different vision. Perhaps you'd rather live together but have separate rooms - or not live together at all. Maybe you'd like to be free to have other lovers. Or maybe you just want to preserve one-on-one time with good friends, even exes. Whatever your vision is, we support it. ​

Regardless of the other specifics, we're guessing you want a partner with whom you feel totally free to speak your heart and mind, knowing she'll listen with compassion and love. Someone who accepts you just the way you are, and inspires you to be your best self... supports you in the tough times, celebrates your successes, and makes you laugh.

But how do you get there? Is it really possible?  

What if you're single and don't know how to meet women? 

What if you're scared of getting your heart broken again? 

What if you've been dating, but the right woman just isn't showing up - or the wrong women keep showing up?

What if you're afraid there's something about you, your past or your life that just won't be okay with other women?​

What if you've still got hurt, anger or fear left over from the past?  

The Roadmap will teach you how to heal, what to look for, and what to do.   


broken trust bali road

Imagine wanting to drive across the country - or even a city - without a map. You'd take a lot of wrong turns. 

That's why the Roadmap gives you:

  • A clear, proven, step-by-step process to help you navigate the dating process with clarity and confidence, find a compatible partner, and then lay a strong foundation for lasting love.
  • Powerful tools and processes based on cutting-edge neuroscience - learn to change your brain!   
  • A supportive online community of lesbians and queer women from all over the world, who want a conscious relationship as much as you do and are also committed to learning how to find and create that kind of love.
  • A foundation of self-love and self-compassion which you can build on every day, and which will transform all of your relationships, including the one you have 24/7 with yourself. 
  • Guidance through all the awkward nitty-gritty stuff of dating, like how to write a good online profile, how to meet women locally, how to ask a woman out, how to tell a friend you have feelings for her, how to distinguish a "date date" from a "friend date," what to say on the first date, and more. 
  • An understanding of the mysteries of chemistry and compatibility, so you never again have to get blindsided by the experience of "clicking" with someone at first, but being unable to make a relationship work down the line. 
  • The certainty that you're finally really ready for the love you want. You know you deserve it, you've got a clear vision, and you can recognize dating red flags and steer clear of them.
Suzanne FalterRoadmap Coaching, 2014

Thanks to your help, I found an amazing relationship. The most remarkable thing about it is that there is no drama, just a truly profound love... I honestly don't think I could have gotten to this level of honesty and intimacy without your help. So please know what a difference you've made over here!

Nella M. Roadmap Class, 2015

I'm seeing changes in my life already. Healthier women are showing up -- and for the first time in my life I'm learning to really ask for what I want and need. I can already see what a huge difference this will make, not just to my love life, but to all my relationships.

Hear from other Roadmap participants in their own voices here! 


...Because you can only date with confidence once you know you're really ready for the love you want - and have the skills to make it last. 

That's why we don't just teach you how to date wisely - we teach you how to love well, too. We wrote the book on it!   

The Roadmap course will teach you how to:​

  • Envision the healthy relationship you really want, and fully know that you deserve it.
  • Make peace with the past so you're truly ready to open your heart to the love you want.
  • Understand the brain science behind creating new neural pathways, so you can dramatically increase your self-compassion and self-love. 
  • Understand and befriend your own emotions, leading to greater ease and confidence in all of your relationships - including your relationship with yourself. 
  • Learn our powerful 5-step SCORE Process for dismantling your triggers and communicating skillfully, no matter what comes up.
  • Practice speaking and listening in ways that let you be fully seen and heard, building trust and emotional intimacy. 

And the Roadmap course will also help you:​

  • Understand the pros, cons, advantages and pitfalls of meeting women online or offline, and develop an effective dating plan that suits your personality and circumstance.  
  • Create an appealing, authentic online profile that screens out women who aren't right for you, and draws women who truly share your relationship vision.
  •  Feel comfortable with early dating communication, including things like moving from email or texting to phone, video chat and in-person meetings, how to find out more about her without interrogating her, and how to share about yourself without doing an off-putting "info dump." 
  • Know which "red flags" to watch out for, and also how to find out more so that you can see whether the flags stay red, or turn yellow or possibly even green. 
  • Learn when and how to discuss your relationship vision, even early in the dating process.
  • Have a clear plan for how and when to allow physical intimacy into the relationship, so you can make sure your body, brain and heart stay on the same conscious page. 
  • Feel confident that you can communicate what you feel, want and need as the relationship deepens. 

We're telling you, it's comprehensive! It covers all the bases. It's the education in love we all should've gotten as teenagers - but, better late than never! Welcome to the Roadmap now! 

Cherie Taylor Roadmap Coaching, 2014

Nan and I are going strong, over a year into our Conscious Girlfriend relationship now! I love the work you do. I feel like our relationship is the proof that it works." 

Jane D.Roadmap Class, 2015

I've been meaning to write you for awhile to let you know I've been dating an amazing woman. Working with you helped me know I mattered enough to look for what I really wanted, rather than just settling.

We offer the Roadmap Course just three times a year, with start dates in January, May and September. Each class is limited to 25 women, and they almost always sell out - so, don't wait too long to sign up!

Next class starts September 19, 2017. 


  • 12 In-Depth Weekly Lessons.  Each week you'll get comprehensive audio lessons (approximately 1 hour of audios per week) and written worksheets with journaling, visioning and other exercises for you to do. The lessons are full of clear, frank guidance, plus tools to help you gain skills, clarity and confidence. .  
  • Fourteen Hours of Group Coaching.  At the start of the course, and every two weeks after that, we come together live (via phone or video chat - so you can participate from anywhere in the world) to answer your questions and coach you through any stumbling blocks. You'll also get recordings of these calls. And many women say that getting to share the experience with their classmates is one of the most important parts of the process. 
  • Build Community With Other Conscious Singles. Roadmap members get access to our private Facebook group so you can connect with your class members and the women who've gone through our previous Roadmap classes (over 100 graduates now!)
  • Individual Attention. Each Roadmap course is limited to 25 women. There's time for you to speak on each coaching call, and if you email us, we answer!
  • One Hour of One-On-One Coaching. Use your private hour with Coach Michelle at the end of the course, to chart your path forward - or use it at any point when you need extra support. Need more one-on-one time? You can add more hours at a discounted rate.
  • Free Copy of our book Conscious Lesbian Dating & Love: A Roadmap For Finding the Right Partner and Creating the Relationship of Your Dreams. 
  • Graduates Get A Free Year on our dating community, Heart + Mind Women

Next Roadmap Class Starts September 19! Enrollment closes September 15 or when the class fills, whichever comes first. It's limited to 25 women, so sign up now!

The cost of the Roadmap Course is $597, or 3 installments of $199 each.

Still Have Questions? In That Case, Please Keep Reading!

A.H., Roadmap Fall 2015

I have to echo so many other women about how incredible the Roadmap class is. There have been so many epiphanies. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! I've done a lot of work, yet there were so many areas I was still stuck in... Having it be a lesbian context makes a huge difference." 

J.C., Roadmap Fall 2015

I came in a skeptic, and left a believer. The Roadmap course has improved all my relationships, and, mostly importantly, my relationship with myself. 


​I recently went through a breakup, and I'm definitely not ready for a relationship yet. Should I take the Roadmap now, or wait till I've healed more? 

Many participants take the Roadmap shortly after a breakup, and we've found that to be very powerful timing. Taking the class now will help you heal more quickly and completely, gain more understanding of what went wrong in that relationship, and also feel empowered to create a different relationship future for yourself when you're ready.

I've been looking online and trying to date for quite a while, and nothing works. How could the Roadmap possibly help me? 

We talk with thousands of women looking for partners each year, so we know the problem isn't that "she's not out there." And we've seen over and over again that the Roadmap helps women get to the real issues - and resolve them with self-compassion and powerful new skills.

For instance, it might be that your dating isn't working out because you're actually not ready yet. The Roadmap will help you understand what "readiness" really is, and help you get there.

It might be that you're not sure you deserve the love you want. The Roadmap will help you love yourself and know your own true worth.

genderqueer woman with bow tie dating on the gender spectrum

It might be that you don't know how to recognize a compatible partner... or that you don't know how to communicate effectively while dating... or that you're too shy to put yourself out there... or that you don't know how to say No when you need to... or that you're afraid a relationship will require too much sacrifice or compromise... or, any of many other issues that we see holding women back.

Rest assured, we've helped women handle all of these issues and many, many more. If what you've been doing hasn't been working, it's time to do something different - and the Roadmap will show you how.  

I'm pretty busy. Should I still take the Roadmap?

If the Roadmap calls to you now, we'd encourage you to listen to your heart! The audios, worksheets and recorded coaching calls will be yours to keep forever, so even if you can't keep pace with the group, you'll still benefit. However, as with most things, what you'll receive from the course is proportionate to what you put in. We encourage you to spend 2-4 hours a week doing the Roadmap if possible (after all, once you find the woman of your dreams, we're sure you'll want to spend at least that much time with her!) 

I'm not a very tech-savvy person. Will I have a hard time with the Roadmap?

If you're reading this page right now, and you can click on a link, you should be fine with the Roadmap! Each week we'll email a link to that week's audio and written lessons, and to the next group Coaching Call (which you can attend either via computer - which we encourage, since it lets you see us and other Roadmap participants) or via phone. 

I'm not sure I want a traditional relationship. Do you support alternative visions?

Absolutely! We support anything that both (or all) of the people involved want, whether that's monogamy or open relationships, lesbian-exclusivity or bisexuality, living together or not, and any other form of consensual relationship you might dream up. ​

Who are your Roadmap participants? 

We're proud to have participants from all over the United States and, thus far, from at least three other countries. We love being international!  The women in the Roadmap have ranged from age 29 to age 79. They identify as lesbian, gay, queer, bisexual, or trans.  Some have been out for decades; others are just coming out. If you're a self-identified woman who loves women, or wants to, we welcome you!​

When will the Roadmap Coaching Calls take place? And what if I have to miss a call?

All calls will be recorded, so it's okay if you can't attend them live (though of course it's great if you can!) We schedule them on different weekday evenings and weekend days to try to accommodate varying schedules. If you know in advance that you can't be there, you can also email us questions ahead of time, and we'll answer them on the call. . 

The heart of the class is the self-paced work which will arrive in your in-box each week for 12 weeks - but the strong, supportive community of lesbians and queer women going through this growth experience together is part of what makes the Roadmap so effective!  

lesbian relationship

Coaching Call Schedule for Fall 2017 Roadmap: 

Please note: we vary the schedule deliberately to increase the odds that each participant will be able to attend some, if not all of the calls. We typically have students from all over the U.S. and Canada, and often students from other countries too. Sunday times have been chosen to accommodate women in Europe, as well as elsewhere!

Kick-off call:  Tuesday, September 19, 5:30-7:30 p.m. PST

Sunday, October 1, 1:00-3:00 p.m. PST

Monday, October 16, 5:30-7:30 p.m. PST

Sunday, October 29, 1:00-3:00 p.m. PST

Sunday, November 12, 1:00-3:00 p.m. PST

Tuesday, November 28, 5:30-7:30 p.m. PST

Closing Call & Celebration: Monday, December 11, 5:30-7:30 p.m.

What happens during the Roadmap Coaching Calls?

At each coaching call, you'll have a chance to check in - to talk a little bit about how you're working with the course material, what's coming up for you, any stumbling blocks you're encountering, and any epiphanies and successes you're having.  We'll answer your questions and give you some laser coaching, too. Often, after everyone on the call has checked in, we have time for some role-playing. We hear over and over from Roadmap participants that it's been valuable to hear other women's questions and experiences, as well as our responses.   

What if I'm not a group person, and would rather go through the Roadmap one-on-one?

We'd be happy to create a private coaching package for you, and customize the Roadmap material to best suit your needs. To explore this possibility, just email  However, we'd also encourage you to consider taking the Roadmap class and supplementing it with private coaching, since most participants find the feeling of community quite helpful.​

What if the Roadmap doesn't work for me?​

If you do the Roadmap work, it'll work for you!  But we know that making this kind of commitment to yourself can be scary. So to help make it easier, we offer a guarantee. We invite you to register for the class and participate fully. Come to the coaching calls, listen to the audios, do the written exercises, take part in your 1:1 coaching - and if, at the end of the 12 weeks, you feel you didn't get what you came for, just let us know and we'll refund your tuition. 

 Final Thoughts from Ruth & Michelle

Over and over, we've witnessed how the Roadmap class can change womens' dating and relationship lives.   

In an ideal world, we would all have gotten to take this kind of class as teenagers! But since that didn't happen, there's no time like the present to become a "conscious girlfriend," and open the door to the kind of dating and love you really want.

Intimate relationships are such a key part of happiness for most of us. So, isn't it worth it to invest 40 or so hours of your life, and the cost of an average weekend away,  in a course that will help you create the love you really want?

Lesbians are amazing, courageous, resourceful women. We came out of the closet, often facing discrimination and rejection, because of our deep desire to love and be loved by another woman.  Yet despite our bravery, it hasn't been easy to find out how to make that love strong, healthy and lasting. 

We've met many women who have actually given up on love. "If I'm attracted to her, she'll be bad for me," they say. Or, "Relationships just aren't worth it."

We understand why they - and you - may have gotten discouraged. But isn't it worth going through a step-by-step process to learn how to do this thing, rather than just giving up?​

A lot has changed for our community over the last decade. Who ever thought we'd see same-sex marriage legalized throughout the U.S. - and many other countries - in our lifetimes?! Now the time has come for us to take our relationships to the next level. We can do it. You can do it.  

We hope you'll sign up for the Roadmap. But even if you don't, we also hope that just reading this page will make a positive difference in your life.

After all, how many times in your life have you gotten to hear, "You have the power to create your relationship destiny? It's not up to chance, magic, luck or fate. You can learn how to find the right partner, and also how to be the right partner. There are learnable tools and steps to follow. You can do it, and you're worth it. You deserve lasting love."

We're thrilled to bring you this message of hope and possibility - and also these proven, neuroscience-based tools. Our lives would have been very different if someone had offered us this roadmap way back when!

We had to struggle through years of painful relationships and breakups, therapy, workshops, self-help books and sheer determination to find a better way. Now that we found an easier, more direct route, we're offering it to you.   

Hope to see you in the Roadmap!  xoxoxo  ​

Mary, Roadmap Fall 2016

It feels so good that even though I haven't met my partner yet, I now have a "knowingness" and confidence that I will make a wise choice while dating - and I'm also more relaxed now in being single, since I have such great new skills in navigating anything that comes up. This is so awesome what you have done for my love life!" 

P.S. You might be wondering, "Who are these women?!" We didn't want to bore you with lengthy bios, but here's a snippet: we co-founded Conscious Girlfriend because we love each other deeply, respect each other enormously, make each other laugh, and share a passion for helping our community date wisely and love well!  Between the two of us, we have advanced degrees in Transpersonal Psychology, Neuroscience and Theological Studies. We also both studied relationship coaching with renowned experts Gay and Katie Hendricks, authors of Conscious Loving and many other groundbreaking books. 

I'm Ruth L. Schwartz, Ph.D. (Transpersonal Psychology), author of eight books, a hypnotherapist and shamanic practitioner for many years, and also a distance learning professor at Ashland University. I'm passionate about the work of Conscious Girlfriend because I struggled in love for a very long time before learning the skills I now teach! I always thought I was a "good communicator," but I actually caused a lot of damage to my relationships without even realizing it. I know that if I could turn things around, you can, too.  

I'm Michelle Murrain, Ph.D. My graduate degrees are in Neuroscience and Theological Studies, and I've also been a Buddhist practitioner for over 25 years. As a survivor of an abusive relationship, I'm grateful to have transformed my life with the tools I now teach in the Roadmap, and I'm thrilled to get to share them with you. I especially love teaching women how to develop a bedrock of self-compassion and self-love, which changes everything.