Sometimes women seem kind of embarrassed or hesitant when they ask us this question. “Is it OK to not want a relationship? Can that be healthy?”
Our answer is: of course! We’re here to support you in getting what you most want in your relationship life. The truth is, all humans need relationships, but satisfying connection does not have to come in the form of romantic partnership. Connection with friends, family, pets and the larger community can be deeply fulfilling, too.
But here’s what really concerns us. If you’ve decided you need to stay single because you don’t trust yourself to choose a partner wisely, or to be able to create and maintain intimacy… well, we’d rather see you learn those skills so you can have what you reallywant, rather than cutting off options for yourself!
The other thing to consider is that partnership can look many different ways. For instance, some women say things like this:
- I’d love to have a partner, but I’m not sure I ever want to live with someone again.
- I’d love to have a partner, but I’m not very interested in sex.
- I’d love to have a partner, but I’m VERY interested in sex, and I fear a lot of women my age are not.
- I’d love to have a partner, but I’m polyamorous, and I fear other women just want monogamy.
- I’d love to have a partner, but I live on a fixed income.
- I’d love to have a partner, but I have chronic health issues.
- I’d love to have a partner, but I’m an introvert and a homebody.
Our answer to these statements and many others along the same lines is: Great! It’s so helpful to know what you want and what you don’t want, and what you do and don’t have to offer.
The good news is, we can pretty much guarantee you that whatever your vision, needs and circumstances may be, there ARE other wonderful women who share them.
The key is being clear on your priorities, being honest, and also knowing how to look wayyyy beyond initial chemistry (or lack thereof) for true compatibility potential. This is something that’s totally learnable, but it’s not necessarily intuitive (in fact, sometimes it’s counter-intuitive – which is why we find it to be one of the most important skills we teach!)
We also hear from women who are scared because, well, they know they’re not perfect – so can they really have, and do they really deserve, lasting love? Well, the truth is, good relationships can ONLY happen between two people who know they’re imperfect. If someone thinks she’s perfect, you’re in for big trouble with her!
So yes, having your growth edges – and knowing what they are, and being willing to actively grow along them – is the best place to be when looking for, or actually in, an intimate relationship.
So if, after reading all of this, you’re thinking, “Well, that’s all well and good, but I’m just not sure I want an intimate relationship” – that’s great. We also love helping women develop the skills to have deeper, more satisfying friendships, family relationships and work relationships.
And we love bringing women together who value an emotionally conscious approach to life. Some women are talking about forming “conscious girlfriend” households! (for roommates, not partners.) It’s all good!
So – how can we support you in creating whatever you most want in your relationship life – whether it’s happy, healthy partnership, or just a deeper and closer relationship with yourself and other non-intimate partners – or both?