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Women Loving Women. Better.

lesbian relationshipsHi there!  We’re Ruth & Michelle, and we just celebrated our 8th anniversary.

But 15 years ago, neither of us could ever have imagined the relationship we have today.

Although we were both successful professionals – Ruth a writer and professor, Michelle a neuroscientist – our love lives were a mess.

Ruth says, “I struggled for nearly two years to get out of a long-term relationship in which I’d become a caregiver and lost myself. When I finally got out, I plunged into a new relationship much too fast. It felt so great to have fun and sex again that I helped my new love move cross country to be with me. When she got there, it was a total disaster – and we broke up a few months later. The following year, I met someone else… and fell more deeply in love than ever before. When she left me, I wasn’t sure I wanted to keep living. The pain was greater than anything I had ever imagined.”

Michelle says, “My partner criticized me constantly. One day I decided to count her criticisms, but when the count reached 50 I gave up. Nothing I could do was good enough for her – even though I’d supported her for over five years. Still, I had promised to stay with her forever, so I couldn’t bring myself to leave – until the night when she physically shook me, then threw a chair at me. My next relationship was only slightly better. Sometimes my partner would get so angry at some small thing I said that she would just stop speaking to me for days. Still, when she decided to end it, I was devastated.”

We knew there had to be a way to be happier in love. So, separately, we each devoted ourselves to finding out how.

We did therapy. Spirituality. Healing. Self-help books. We were determined, hurt and confused – but something made us push on.

When we finally met and got to make use of all the tools we’d gathered, it took some fine-tuning. It still does! Yet the level of love, trust, safety, emotional connection and joy we share today is greater than anything either of us could have imagined.

We developed Conscious Girlfriend to help you create that same joy in your own life. 

So, if you’ve ever longed to have a truly happy, healthy queer or lesbian love relationship — or maybe even wondered whether such a relationship is possible for you –

We’re here to help.

Relationships can be challenging for everyone, but queer women and lesbians often have some particular problem spots. Many of us struggle in the areas of communication, merging and sex. Add that to the homophobia we experience, the abuse histories we often have, and the fact that we grew up without models of healthy, happy queer or lesbian love – and it’s no wonder many of us need some help creating and sustaining the relationship of our dreams!

We know. We’ve been there!

Getting here took us many years of trial and error. Finally we realized…

It’s not just about meeting the right woman. It’s about making the right choices, every step of the way. 

That’s what we learned how to do – and we want to help you do it, too!

While life experience has been our greatest teacher, we also have professional credentials. Between the two of us, we’ve taught at eight universities, published 14 books, and hold advanced degrees in Neuroscience, Transpersonal Psychology and Theological Studies. We’ve also been members of the lesbian/queer communities for over 30 years. Now we’ve combined everything we know to create Conscious Girlfriend – and to make love easier for you.lesbian love

We’ve got lots of ways to help – including the many free resources on this site: videos, articles, our “Ask CG” advice column, and the “Five Keys to a Happy Lesbian Relationship,” which you’ll receive just by entering your email address in the right-hand column.

We also offer coaching to both individuals and couples. Whether you’re healing from a breakup, navigating dating, “single and looking” or struggling in a relationship – or simply wanting to take your connection deeper – we will work with you 2:1 or 2:2 to give you direct, focused support. Coaching is not like therapy; it’s a much faster path to transformation! Check it out here.

And we’ve got an amazing retreat coming up! Imagine spending the weekend at a beautiful hilltop retreat center, eating gourmet food, soaking in the hot tub,  connecting with like-minded “conscious girlfriends” from all over the country – while also learning the lesbian-specific communication, intimacy-sustaining and conflict-healing skills that can transform your (love) life?! Special pricing available thru 4/13/14.

  • Do you tend to lose yourself in relationships – to let go of what you feel, want and need until it’s too late? Do you need help recognizing what you want, naming it, asking for it, and receiving it?
  • Are you and your partner having frequent arguments or power struggles… or just feeling increasingly disconnected?
  • Have you ever had a hard time ending a relationship even when you knew it wasn’t right for you… and then kept on hurting for months or years afterward?
  • Would you benefit from more skills and tools for building and sustaining real intimacy, the kind of connection that makes both you and your partner feel seen, heard, understood and cherished?
  • Are you “single and looking,” but the right woman just isn’t showing up… or the wrong women keep showing up?

 Wherever you are on your relationship journey, Conscious Girlfriend is here for you!

  • Do you want tools to help you clarify what true compatibility is for you, and how to make wise choices throughout the dating process?
  • Are you and your partner considering marriage, but wanting to make sure your relationship is as happy, healthy and intimate as it can be before taking the plunge?
  • Do you know and practice the most essential skills for maintaining intimacy – and have you successfully banished the “intimacy killers” that cause hurt, resentment and bitterness in so many relationships?
  • Are you ready to heal relationship patterns of drama, fights, falling for unavailable women, and excruciating breakups?
  • Would you like to replace “lesbian bed death” with a rejuvenated, passionate lesbian bed LIFE?

If you answered Yes to any of these questions, consider our private coaching and benefit from rapid, focused transformation. Or, sign up for our amazing upcoming retreat and connect with a supportive, compassionate tribe of likeminded women!lesbian love

If you are over 60, please know that it is not too late! Many of the women at our workshops are in your age range. Some have grown cynical about relationships, or aren’t sure they’ll ever find or open to love again.

The tools we offer can help.

If you’re in your 30s, 40s or 50s, you, too, are in just the right spot. The skills and tools we’ll help you learn will make a huge difference in the rest of your (love) life.

And if you are under 30, it’s never too early to become a Conscious Girlfriend!

Many of the women who contact us are struggling through their first or second deep relationship – or breakup – and wondering, “Isn’t there a better way?” (And the answer is: Yes, there is – and we’ll help you create it!)

Why Conscious Girlfriend? And why now?

If you google “relationship coaching” or “relationship classes,” you’ll find literally thousands of options out there… and 99.999% will be heterosexual. Although most straight relationship coaches and workshop leaders are open to participants of all sexual orientations, how comfortable would you really feel being the only queer couple at a workshop…or talking about your intimate issues with someone who just may not “get it?” There have been painfully few options for lesbians and queer women who really wanted to grow their relationships… until now.

This is our moment — we’re out of the closet and walking down the altar! Now that we finally have greater social acceptance, it’s time for us to learn to create and sustain the happy love relationships we want and deserve – not just for our own sake, but for the sake of our entire community. 

It’s time for happy, healthy queer and lesbian love!

For focused, intensive support from us, sign up for our coaching.

To learn alongside other women committed to conscious love, attend our amazing upcoming retreat.

And for our incredibly affordable online support, check out our membership program!

Your heart will thank you for it!

In love,

Ruth & Michelle

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